dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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