I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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