Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
