My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize