that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She's the barista slut.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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