Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Randomize
