it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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