it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
