JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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