she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
