Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
