I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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