I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
