I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Found your dick twin last night
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
