dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
