The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
