she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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