So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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