Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
