i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize