last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
