There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
