I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
