it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
