So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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