Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
