Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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