Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
