Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
