I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
