Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
