I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
