i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Still dying that you shit outside
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
