I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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