I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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