He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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