my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
