She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
