Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
