I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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