i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
