What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
