My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
