I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
