So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
