Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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