we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
