matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
