my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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