I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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