apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
