i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
