Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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