Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
