I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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