we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
