what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
