I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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