Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
