We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
