haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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