take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
