saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
