It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
