I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I love you.
Bad choice
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize