i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
