I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
