you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
