i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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