it was like his penis was on wheels.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
