she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
