My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
