i just wanna soil my oats bro
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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