This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
