I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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