Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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