I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
