i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
