I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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