after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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