Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
