Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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