before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
either way he was missing a nipple.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
