her vagine was all disorganized.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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