So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
