I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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