Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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