Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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